I recently had a conversation with an instructor who had just taught a two-hour course on negotiation skills to a cohort of entry-level massage students. The instructor was commenting on how terrified these students were; many admitted they were considering ditching class that day to avoid the topic. The students viewed negotiating as anxiety-producing as public speaking.
Let me point out that negotiation skills are not a typical topic in entry-level massage and bodywork education. And yet, this conversation made me think about how many situations practitioners face in their professional lives where they need to be proficient at negotiating; otherwise, they might find themselves feeling dissatisfied with an outcome—or worse, being taken advantage of. Learning a few basics of negotiation can go a long way when it comes to creating mutually satisfying professional agreements and keeping one’s nervous system intact under these (evidently stressful for many) circumstances.
Let’s look at this topic from a place of self-care and ease. We’ll start by looking at examples of when a practitioner may need to negotiate. Then we’ll talk about how to ditch the fear, show up with confidence, and create a win-win situation using five tips for negotiation success.
When You May Need to Negotiate
To sum it up, the main event where negotiation is necessary in a practitioner’s professional life is the establishment of agreements. In many cases, these situations require a written legal contract. Note that this article’s intent is not to educate on the various types of agreements; rather, the intent is to offer examples of agreements where negotiation is likely to occur.
Employment Agreements
Employment is a broad term that encompasses the experience of being employed. This may involve being employed by someone else or being self-employed as a sole proprietor or independent contractor. Therefore, the types of employment agreements can vary tremendously.
Leases
If you are self-employed and leasing office space, there will likely be a written agreement between you and your landlord. And if you are sharing the space with another practitioner, there will be an additional level of agreement between you and your office mate, as well as the landlord.
Business Agreements
This is a very broad category. Pretty much any time you make an agreement with another party regarding your business/services (treatment programs, corporate wellness programs, special events), their business/services (business advisor, financial services), a shared business (partnership, co-op), a shared place of business (group practice), etc., you need to have a written agreement.
Five Tips for a Successful (and Peaceful) Negotiation
1. Be Upfront About Meeting to Negotiate
If you intend to negotiate a proposed agreement/contract or if you are proposing an agreement/contract that you are open to negotiating, state that. There should be no surprise negotiation meetings. This allows all parties to be prepared physically, mentally, and emotionally, which equates to less anxiety or other emotional charge that could impede a thoughtful and professional process.
2. Be Prepared
This is the most important tip. You’ll have the greatest success and least amount of anxiety if you are already clear on the following aspects:
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Your nonnegotiables. It’s OK if there are items you are unwilling to compromise on. Get clear with yourself on why these things are so important. That way, if the other party also has a boundary like you do, you can feel confident walking away and finding a more suitable situation.
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Your concessions. These are things you are willing to give up. It is common in negotiations to give something up to get something else you need. It’s important to have a give-and-take attitude.
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Additionally, try to be an active communicator. That means listening attentively to the other party’s needs and whys, reflecting what you hear to ensure clarity, not interrupting, and demonstrating open and receptive body language. Commit to composure and resilience if there is provocation or rejection. Sometimes a person’s tone, presence, or use of words can elicit certain feelings. Maintain self-control, peace, and professionalism at all times. Practice by visualizing various scenarios and rehearsing how you will calmly respond.
3. Establish Yourself as an Equal
Far too often, a person concedes because of a power differential. In other words, they see themselves in a lower position of power. Even if the individual is in a higher position, your needs matter equally. On the flip side, don’t go into a negotiation thinking you are better than anyone, your needs matter more, or you are entitled to anything. As mentioned, negotiation is a give and take, and everyone’s perspective and needs deserve to be valued and heard.
4. Be Willing to Walk Away
Not every negotiation ends in an agreement. Maybe you really want that office space, but the price remains too high. Or you really want that job, but the pay rate won’t meet your budget needs or you can’t work on Sundays for religious reasons. Whatever the case, if it is a nonnegotiable that can’t be met, be willing to walk away. That’s why it’s so important to set your nonnegotiables in advance.
5. Regulate Your Nervous System
Is asking for what you want scary? It is for many people. The same goes for saying no when you can’t budge on something that is being asked for, especially if you are a giving person (which many service-oriented professionals are). When something feels hard, the nervous system responds. The best approach is to regulate your system immediately before the negotiation.
Negotiation is a give and take, and everyone’s perspective and needs deserve to be valued and heard.
Best practices include physical exercise and breathing exercises. Practice by visualizing various scenarios and rehearsing how you will calmly respond. Even better, practice what you’ll say and how you’ll say it with a safe, supportive person.
When Is It Appropriate to Negotiate?
Some people may be under the impression that agreements, like an office lease or employment agreement, are nonnegotiable. That may be the case. But do you know for sure? Are you satisfied with all your professional agreements? If not, make note of items that could support your needs and goals, and consider asking for a review. The best time is when the agreement is up for renewal. You might not get what you want, but if you aren’t willing to try, ask yourself what’s holding you back. Use the tips offered here to step outside your comfort zone. After all, if you never ask, the answer is always no.
Recognize that there may be times when someone (a client, for example) might want to negotiate with you. There’s no need to be offended when they try to get a better deal or ask for something that is normally set in stone. Hear them out. You don’t have to negotiate. However, you might find that, in the long run, giving something now gets you something of more value, such as a long-term client on a special treatment program at a reduced rate.
Above all, don’t be afraid. You’re simply talking with another person, exploring ways to find a win-win solution. Focus on the collaborative effort!
